Why I Don’t Dance Sober

Some people are naturally graceful. When they move, they do so with the power and elegance of a thoroughbred racehorse. I, on the other hand, move with the balance and coordination of a newborn giraffe – I have legs, I’m just not quite sure how to use them.

Suffice it to say, I’ve never been one who enjoys dancing. I skipped my senior prom. I despise going to clubs. I refuse to be dragged onto the dance floor at weddings until the champagne has had time to work its magic. 

So, naturally, Lani and I decided that an entire wellness day should be devoted to workouts inspired by different types of dance. I blame the hype associated with workouts like Zumba and pole dancing for this.

Our plan for day one, dubbed the “artsy” wellness day, was to complete workouts and wellness activities which are artsy in nature (and by artsy, I mean anything that didn’t fit into the “spa” or “boot camp” categories).

Lani and I began the day with our workouts. As I am much too cheap to invest in a product I may never again use (i.e. Zumba or Wii Fit), we, instead, pulled from our personal DVD collections.

Together we had four dance workouts: aerobic striptease, ballet, salsa, and belly dancing.

I will say that any of these DVDs, in and of itself, is a decent workout.  Doing all four in one day was truly exhausting.

I believe the above picture was taken after the NYC Ballet workout, which was by far the best, most challenging of the four. For those of you wondering, it is also the DVD I would be most likely to incorporate into a regular workout regimen.

Aerobic striptease was, without question, the best for cardio. Although, after struggling to complete the 20 minute workout, I have a hard time imagining how any stripper could be overweight. I must say, if I had to do that workout night after night, I’d be in pretty fantastic shape.

The salsa DVD takes the award for “most likely to collect dust.”  I’m not sure which was worse, the instructor insisting on telling us, “You look AMAZING!” as Lani and I tripped over our feet and slammed our hands into each other, or the ridiculous grin plastered on her face throughout the entire workout. I’m going with the grin.

Belly dancing is a fantastic overall toning workout, and one I would absolutely try again. My only issue with belly dancing is the misleading name. I think a more apropos title would be “Arm and Ab Toning: We Look Sexy, You Will Cry.”

But in all seriousness, I took away two very important lessons from the day 1 workouts:  

1. I will never, ever mess with my friend who is a trained ballet dancer. She may be half my size, but after doing the NYC ballet workout, there is no doubt in my mind that she would level me in a fight.
2. I have avoided dancing all these years for a very good reason. No one needs to see this… 

*To read about Lani and her chachaphobia, check out her latest post, "Chachaphobia and the Dance of Wellness" on Disaster with a Passport.