Travel Like it's 1999

3 months. 10+ countries. 3 bags. No cell phone.

Anything you may have just thought has already occurred to me, give or take a few expletives.

While it’s hard to explain the exact purpose of my travels, this is by no means an abbreviated “Eat, Pray, Love” quest.

The closest I’m getting to prayer or religion on this trip was my attempt to keep kosher for Passover while in London.  (This decision was made after my body impolitely rejected the airplane food not certified kosher for Passover.  I took it as a sign.)

But since “Eat, Pray, Love” seems to be the primary benchmark for lengthy post-college travel abroad, let’s call this an “Eat, Write, Eat Some More, Then Walk…a lot” journey.

Yes, eating does still get top billing.  What can I say, I have my priorities.

And for this trip, my priorities are simple: eat great food and try not to be an ugly American as I make my way across Europe.

I hope to entertain everyone with a few good anecdotes from each of the countries I visit. And if not, I am carrying roughly 1/3 of my body weight in luggage, and have yet to buy a cell phone, so I’m bound to make an ass of myself at least once or twice, which in and of itself should make for some good stories. 

As of  yet, I’m not sure which is going to present the bigger challenge - the luggage or lack of cell phone.  On travel days I think it’s the former, but on most days I think it may be the latter. 

It has been over a decade since I haven’t been surgically attached to a cell phone.  Although I am not experiencing separation anxiety, I am realizing that I’ve forgotten how to function without one. 

Sad, but true.

Less than 12 hours into my journey, I faced my first test sans cell phone: finding my travel partner in Heathrow. 

Long story short: Technology 1, Lauren 0.

The World According to Congress

Imagine the following scenario:

On the first day of class in January, a professor hands you a syllabus listing a March 4 due date for a group project.

January comes and goes. Every group meeting turned into a social function - little is accomplished.

February rolls around. The group spends most of the time arguing about the best way to approach the topic - still nothing gets done.

Now it’s March. The project is due in less than a week, and the group is meeting at all hours to try and come to an agreement on the direction of the project, but a few select group members will not acquiesce to ideas they do not fully support.

The night before the due date, you request more time, and the professor graciously grants a two-week extension.

The group puts the project on the backburner, and suddenly you’re in the exact same position you faced two weeks prior.  The group has made some progress, agreeing to a mutual end product, but still cannot agree on a means in which to achieve said end.

Again, you beg for an extension, and the professor grants another two weeks.

Now it’s April, and the group project has turned into Groundhog Day. The due date is looming, and no one will compromise. You find yourself staring down the due date with a mere hour and a half to go. At a stalemate, you ask for another extension – “but just one week!” - and the professor, again, agrees.

To the average person this scenario should sound absurd, even comical. Of course, this would be a lot funnier if it were not based on Congress’s actions of late.

Anyone who has dealt with deadlines in school or their workplace knows such requests for extensions are not feasible in the real world. Apparently normal rules cease to apply on Capitol Hill.

Less than an hour ago it was announced they agreed to yet another temporary extension to avoid a partial government shutdown. I believe this puts Congress at extension number 3 (just in 2011 - I won't put as much blame on the 111th Congress).

I take offense when obstinate members of Congress declare they are standing their ground to protect the interests of their constituency. No person is 100% satisfied with every law, bill, or motion supported by their elected representatives. But that’s life. The rest of us have to deal with it, why can’t Congress?

Maybe if members of Congress stop worrying about re-election backlash if they approve Planned Parenthood funding, and start worrying about the soldiers families who won’t get paid, and the negative effect on government employees and the general livelihood of the nation’s capital, which largely depends upon Federal government operations, a compromise can actually be reached.

I’m sure most of you know the phrase, “do as I say, not as I do.” Well, rather than doing as they say, maybe we should all do as they do, which will likely result in mass layoffs. Best of luck to Congress figuring out how to work those added unemployment benefits into the budget.

Mia and the Media

Recently I’ve experienced a great deal of anxiety before I turn on the news.

It is not because of the horrifying images from Cairo, or the tragic stories emerging from Libya.

It is not because of the widespread devastation caused by the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, or because of the looming government shutdown.

It is because of the snake formerly known as @BronxZoosCobra.

I’m not sure if this is a sign that I’m extremely jaded, or that my fear of snakes has reached truly ridiculous heights.

My guess – it’s a combination of the two.

To put this in context, I have had an irrational fear of snakes my entire life.  

On multiple occasions I’ve found myself scared by rubber snakes, garden hoses, and even the occasional stick.

My fear was exacerbated about 15 years ago on a family bike ride in Hilton Head, SC.  There was a snake stretched across the length of the bike path.  My mom saw it. My brother saw it.  I didn’t.

My family proceeded to torture me for the rest of the day, taunting me that the snake's family was angry, and they were coming to get me.  I’ve never found the open cracks and holes in a sofa bed as utterly terrifying as they were that restless night.

Needless to say, I make it a point to avoid situations that may result in potential encounters with snakes.

I don’t go exploring in the woods. I wait outside reptile houses at the zoo.  I avoid any Google searches that may produce images of snakes.

And then the Bronx Zoo Cobra fiasco happened.  Despite the 200 miles separating us, there was no escape from this damn snake.  

Every time I opened CNN.com, picked up a newspaper, or turned on the news, there she was.  

The media coverage was relentless from the day she went missing to the day her name, Mia (missing in action), was ultimately selected.

However, now that Mia finally has a name and is back in her home, I am optimistic that Mia will disappear from the limelight, and the media can resume reporting on other public interest stories, like the public education system’s failure to teach children how to share and compromise.

Oh wait, did I say children?  I meant Congress.