The Sports Fan’s Guide to Women

I’ve received multiple requests to write posts about my views on relationships.  Most people come to me for relationship advice, though given my success in that area of life, I have yet to figure out why. 

This isn’t going to be a long post, merely an observation I wanted to share with you as a token of my gratitude.

At some point in their life, most women have heard the phrase, “I don’t understand women.  They’re just too complicated.” 

At the Caps game this week, I observed that women (at least those who attend games, voluntarily or by force) are not that complicated.  Women at sporting events can be divided into two categories: those who dress like they’re going to a club, and those who dress like they’re going to a game.  So, guys, if you really want to know more about a woman you’re dating, or interested in dating, just take her to a game.

I consider myself lucky that most of my friends fit in the latter category.  When the question, “what should I wear?” is asked before a game, I know it’s an inquiry into the team colors (Rock the Red!), and nothing more.

Then, there’s the other type of woman, the one whom I was sitting behind at the game Tuesday night.  These women are easily identifiable by their stilettos and slutty tops.  Men, if your date is dressed like this, assume you will be watching and listening to more of her than the game.  Of course, depending on the shirt and the success of your team, I suppose that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Nonetheless, I watched as the two guys in front of me played babysitter to their dates. 

“You can’t get up right now.”

“Why not?”

“You need to wait until a break in game play.” 

“But I want to go NOW!”

Defiant, the women stood up and were subsequently booed by the entire section.  Defeated, they sat back down.

To quell their whining, the guys opted for the adult bribe of choice: beer.

Rookie mistake.  Women become chatty with alcohol.  We all suffered.

So, men, here’s my advice.  Whether you’re the kind of guy who likes a woman who is dressed to perfection no matter what the occasion, or you like a more laid-back woman, if you take her to a game, you’ll figure out the type of woman you’re dating.

If you prefer the high-maintenance type whom isn’t a sports fan, just do the rest of us a favor and bring her a Kindle, or maybe just some scratch n’ sniff stickers, to keep her occupied if she gets bored.