Dear U.S. Dollar,
I know you’ve had your ups and downs over the years, and the recent economic turmoil has undoubtedly taken its toll.
Given the circumstances, it’s normal to feel a bit depressed. The problem is you’re just not bouncing back the way I would have hoped.
There’s no surefire way to immediately eradicate your depression, but you do have options.
Some people swear by therapy. Some turn to food or alcohol. Others simply self-medicate.
I suggest the latter for you.
Just ask your friends at the drug companies to help you out. Not only have you been quite good to them over the years, they also have a vested interest in your wellbeing, so I’m sure they’ll conjure up a cocktail to help expedite your recovery.
Perhaps a nice combination of anti-depressants and steroids would do the trick.
Bottom line: you need to get your strength back. This weakness isn’t good for you, and it certainly isn’t good for me.
When I planned my trip to Europe, you weren’t in great shape, but you at least had the Euro in your sights.
Now it isn’t even a contest. The Euro is doing victory laps while you seem to be content celebrating with a participation trophy. And that’s just sad.
The time has come to get off your ass and fight back. The Euro is hurting amidst rumors (which Greece’s PM is refuting) that Greece may defect, so capitalize on the fallout of these reports before your brief window of opportunity closes.
Who knows - if you fight hard enough (and fly some pigs) you may even beat the Euro.
…Or tie. Really, I’d settle for a tie.
Kind Regards (sorry, not feeling the love right now),
Lauren
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